thoughts on writing.

I sometimes call speaking rushed writing. You go so quickly that you end up writing so many mistakes, which you obviously have to go back and fix up later on. You have no real time to think about what you want to ‘write’ in the sense of saying, unless the whole conversation is premeditated, like a speech or something. Then there are the words that you use. You have to make sure you use words that people don’t mis-interpret, which is a whole other issue in itself. This is why i like writing. Its permanent, you can read it a thousand times and understand what one person is trying to say. With conversation you cant do this, unless of course, you record it. But who does that?

Writing is like speaking but fifty times slower. And thats the beauty of it. I can write something, then you can write something, and that can be over a period of a week, or a month, or a year. really, any time frame can work. Whereas as speaking, conversation, is this messy mix of emotion and speed, because when you are speaking to someone, they demand your words right there and then. Writing does not demand this kind of quick attention. This is why i love to write. You are not here reading my email. I can make it just perfect, to say exactly what i want it to say, then i can send it away, where you can read it as many times as you like. Then you can even write back to me and clarify parts you didnt quite understand, which then i can reply with a loving response explaining those parts which were abit grey.

steer

‘when all is said and done, more is said than done. we are drowning in words, many of which turn out to be lies that we tell ourselves or others… we define who we are and what we care about, not by what we promise, but by what we do… We are a verbal species, much given to the use of words to explain – and deceive.’
– Gordon Livingston

age six racer

dear grace

i pray for your life, your journey and your beautiful soul, that it would be everything that you are, and that God is. God desires for us to be perfectly US, in love with him and his cause. I pray this for you. The world is so BIG sometimes i dont know what to think about or where to start and i get depressed. This year i want to be a year where i become me, i delve into my MEness and find God completely satisfied in that, fueling the heart passionate for his cause, the heart deep inside me, the heart he created. All the things that God wants me to do is so perfectly crafted as apart of who i am, anything else would just simply be foreign. Its natural for characters like us to change the world grace. didnt you know that? because thats who we are, its like apart of us. God didnt create mediocre people that sit around and watch soap operas all day. Jesus had greater things in mind, to deal with justice and love. i like the idea: ‘to know God, to change the world’. Knowing God simply compels you to want to change the world. To love like no one else does, to give as no one else does, to listen, to smile, to laugh, to hold out a helping hand. you cannot know God and not be compelled to try and do something about injustice that we often see. they come hand in hand, like two walking feet on the same body.

i guess you could call this being like Jesus to people, but that sounds a little super spiritual. Im completely convinced though that Jesus calls us to above ordinary things, because he didnt just create this life for abit of fun. He created it as a story of faith and trust and love and hope. His gift of free will is one of his greatest creations ever, and he watches us unfold it and let it play out. whether we choose to make that great faith leap and trust in Him or not.

casino clouds

here we are, framed in awkward silence. Like two people on the edge of a photograph, hoping so badly not to make the shot. i wish a piano right here and now, i could play a song, listening carefully to fingers hitting keys, taking me to faraway places. Let me escape, somehow somewhere, i wish not to be here with you. we only come to painful realisations when we stop having love affairs with denial. maybe im somewhere in the middle, holding ever so dearly to her, while slowly coming to the inevitable understanding that she will only stay with me for so long. ill eventually be left all alone and slip into some kind of depression, wishing so much and doing so little.

and you think you’re rich.

money is fake money.

run.run.run.2

heyya,

well i thought i’d give abit of an update on my running for the half marathon that im doing in October. Starting training two weeks ago, i’ve run a total of 46 kilometres! Not bad ey? haha.

I started with aiming for a 10k run but only got about 7.5 k’s before absolutely dying of exhaustion. A few days later i did another one, killing my body again. I did both of these in about 40 minutes, so averaging about 10k per hour. A few more days went by and went to do another run, but this time the blister on my right foot was absolutley killing me, so i kinda half jogged, half sped walk 6 k.

A weekend went by and i tried another 10k. and YES! I did it easily, with energy to spare. 10k in 58 minutes. my feet died though from this run, with massive blisters on each foot forming. so because of this i wasnt able to run for a week.

The next run was with some guys from work. They are pro’s running like marathons and ultra marathons all the time, so i felt like abit of an amateur. They were cool though and they encouraged me all the more. So on monday, i ran 15k!

yay!
im well on the way!

label me please

alternative is no longer alternative, indie usually isnt indepedent and emo is most of the time far from emotional. Pop is becoming less popular, hardcore is no longer hardcore and R n B, you gotta be kidding… rhythm and blues?
gee, genres are silly arent they.

run run run.

in october im doing a half marathon! yep, thats 21 Kilometres. Ill be running 21 kilometres for the melbourne marathon which makes its way all the way around the city. Ill be running with my Pastor from church and i think the principle from the school i went to, Tim Rogers, whom ive never met. This is the first time i have run any such distance so i am starting to prepare for it now. Its a good thing to work towards in terms of fitness cause im terribly unfit, and also to loose some weight, cause im turning into a chubber.
when i was younger i used to run 1500 metres in my sleep. Got it down to state qualifying level back in year 10. I ran it in 4:40 which aint too bad. So i know my body is killer for long distance running, just gotta work out how far i can go haha.
i think we will be raising money for teen challenge. So if you wanna sponser me by K i something that i run then go ahead
Love ya all! all my friends! even the randoms that stumble upon this blog from mongolia! you’re cool too!

i bleed red too.

is christianity really that far-fetched, that distant from logic and reason that it is completely unbelieveable? I remember reading TIME magazine a year or two ago. It was a feature on the 100 most influential people over the past 300 years or something. Charles darwin was inevitably one of them. The heading was this:
‘Charles darwin: The man that killed God’.
And this is mostly true from a social point of view. But i do wonder whether the world, or rather the west, was simply just waiting for a replacement for God. As soon as Charles Darwin proposed this all, the world accepted it with open arms. The fact that the world was created by accident, infact everything is an accident. Everything that happens is just one big accident. There is no purpose or meaning underlying anything, its all just carbon and chemicals… matter on matter on matter on matter on matter. Im not go into some beasty dissitation on why i believe evolution is a whole lot of garbage. What i do want to say is this.
What if we are naturally spiritual beings? What if God did create us and everything else, and wants to know us the way long time lovers know one another? What if God was such a genius that he gave us free choice, gave us a relational longing, gave us free will? What if all the extreme strong feelings that we always feel, like love, loneliness, and wanting to be accepted and appreciated is because God put them there?
i say this because christianity, or watever you want to call it, makes so much sense to me.

Having said that, there are other times that i doubt it. Yep thats right, it doesn’t always make complete sense to me. That doesnt go to say that i suddenly believe in evolution every now and then. You see, some people think that we all follow our faith blindly. That we say yes pastor, three bags full pastor, done deal pastor, and go on with life like everything is happy clappy. We are real people too uno. I grapple with issues of my faith all the time, wondering whether this beast was just forced upon me or whether its actually real. As time has gone on though, i know and understand more and more of why i believe what i believe and how true my faith really is to me.

sleepy animals.

Life is something you can ensure but you cant be sure you’ll have it forever
Life is a gift, most of us treat like a job or a cop.
Life is a journey and we should help each other along the way, life is full of suprises, its beautiful and its good.
Life is not easy though, nobody ever said it would be.
Nothing in life is free and most of the time you have to pay double.
Life is an expierence that you have to be there for.
IF is the middle word in life and thats always the big question, hey at least we’re trying.
Take the F out and you have a lie, but you have to decide who’s doing the lying.
-Dan Smith